You Could Not Be More Wrong

For the last month I've been ruminating on my memory and my happiness.

Memory:
Since turning 35, like a switch, my memory is in the crapper.  Names, faces, things that happened two weeks to two years ago...gone.  And not in the "tip of my tongue" sense but as in the "you must have me confused with someone else b/c that NEVER happened" sense.  This has come into significant play at my new job.  It's not a new job (I've been there since December) but it might as well be new for all that I can recall.  I've met all of the 100+ people in the company, but only know the names of the 6 with whom I work.  This is *very* unusual for me.  Worse, I don't have the sense when someone re-introduces themselves that we've met before; it feels like it is the first time.  It's embarrassing and some people take affront, but also it makes me doubt my ability to interact appropriately with clients and I worry it will my senior management, too.

Happiness:
During the two months I was unemployed last year, I was much more patient with people than I am now.  Why was that?  Was it because I wasn't in a rush to get to or from someplace?  If so, what the h*ll am I in a such a rush to get to or from now?  I still had a job (in a sense) when I was unemployed.  What work was more important than finding a new job? Does that suggest that I value my employer's time more than my own? That I feel this sense of urgency to be at work but did not feel that same urgency (or more!) when I "worked" for myself?  Isn't that twisted? Is it?

I've noticed this most when I'm in the car.  Driving around when I was unemployed was so stress-free.  I didn't need to be anywhere, so I left with plenty of time to get to where I was going.  I didn't rush along the way and was more than content to wait my turn.  These days when I go into the office, my course is plotted like an alpine racer, with corners shaved to the nanosecond.  I know exactly when to switch lanes to avoid the slow down as a result of people looking at the odd construction sign at mile marker 35.  I time my acceleration to make all three green lights.  Heaven have mercy on the Newbie at the tolls who isn't familiar with the change in lane patterns!

Recently, I shattered my precious iphone and have been sans mobile device.  No more checking email every hour at work.  No more calls coming in during the commute.  No more checking for what's nearby or how to get there.  It hasn't helped with my memory or my happiness, but has allowed me to recognize that always looking at that thing was keeping me from disconnecting from work.

I read an article about a woman going through a divorce, whose best friend MADE her start every day with an email that listed 5 Things I'm Grateful For.  Even though the woman eventually found her way out of that darkness, she continues to start every morning with this email to her friend.

So, over the last week, I've been trying this device to both connect with and disconnect from the work day.  I've tried it on the commute into work and on the commute home.  There are rules:

- must be said allowed
- can't have been used earlier that week (or as much as my memory can recall!)
- have to be meaningful (no "I'm grateful for pizza")

To do it well, I really have to focus and get creative.  I can't be running the "systems check" in the background:  call Mom, start laundry, cook chicken, read book club book, send tuition check, etc.  It's what I do in the car, now, instead of looking to see who called or emailed, or trying to see if there's a Sears where I'm headed.  Please note: I did these things at a stop, not while moving.  (Stop hyperventilating, My Beloved.)  But it was like even stopping at a stop light was too long to be static.  I needed to be multitasking in that 1:42 seconds.

It works remarkably well.  I use it more coming home than heading in, but that works out for the best.  I've written before about the importance of a happy ending.  With this exercise, every day has a happy ending.