I'm not feelin' it anymore. The first three weeks of unemployment I don't think my smile dropped once. Now? I'm ready to be back to work. When I was a bench scientist, my family took a two week vacation and I was never so happy to get back to work. So, naturally I really thought I'd be climbing the walls after three days of unemployment, but I was able to fill those first few weeks with so much that there wasn't time to sit around the house. Lately, that's what I've been doing a lot of. There's something in the works, so I've been sort of taking it easy waiting to see how it plays out -- ok, really easy. And, yes, after three days, I am absolutely climbing the walls.
I've been reflecting on what this means for my retirement. Is this how it'll be? Will I read all day, crochet, cook. I'm not one of those people who needs to be working until they day I drop, but I clearly need an excuse to get out of the house. I have enough self-awareness to know that I'm not someone who is [predominantly] internally motivated, so I need excuses: clubs, friends, events scheduled weeks in advance that I'll forget about until it's too late to cancel. It's tough sometimes to accept that I can't "just" make myself do things. But, you know what's worse? Kidding myself that I'll "just do it" on my own instead of taking steps to find the external motivation. Why pay for a gym membership when I have the whole wide world? Why wait for a looming interview date to put together some writing samples instead of chipping away at it a little every day? Don't get me wrong, I can do it. I've been the morning runner, lost the weight on my own, planned and studied for the exam.
I'm a better performer in tandem than solo.
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