At the Tone, the Time Will Be...Too Late

I still have not heard back about a job that I interviewed for over 2 weeks ago, in spite of reaching out once to the recruiter.  Raise your hand if this would qualify as a "red flag" for you?

Let There Be Light

I will graduate with two Master's degrees next June.  I'll be done with all the requirements by May.

This year, I will also turn 40.

With two such milestones within six months, I feel like these events mean more than their individual accomplishments.  I feel like I am simultaneously on the verge of great change, but also small movements.

Clearly, all this Meaning of Life reflection is a sign my psyche is ready for big change, and I am getting ready for a new plan.  Watch this space...

5 Year Plan

As in "I need a new one" and "I haven't the first clue what that looks like."

I am so spoiled.

My new boss met with me before her vacation to ask about my development plans.  I knew this day was going to come when I would be asked this question.  I really need to put some more thought into this.  And by that, I mean, I really need to get my sh*t together and start asking, interviewing, researching.

Isn't is so surprising that solutions don't find you, but you have to find them?  Lazy, selfish solutions...

GPOYW

Ok, so I'm off by a day.  Here's why:

Biggest day of my career so far!

(NB: There were two other presenters, but I didn't take a picture of their names in order to preserve the innocent :)

GOPYW

My other car is a 737.  

That's my reflection in the window to the left.

Cramming

Lesson learned as an adult, #311:  A week's vacation from work is not really "getting paid for not working for 40 hours".  It's 80 hours of work crammed into one 40-hour week.

http://thispublicaddress.com/tPA4/images/04_07/gutmann1.jpg

Reality

What I envisioned in my mind for my trip to Chicago:

This photo of Chicago is courtesy of TripAdvisor

What I actually saw:

"Sue" replica from inside the airport next to Jamba Juice.

*sigh*

Windy City

Chicago promises to be slightly less, ahem, welcoming at this time of the year.  Regardless, I was/am/will be really looking forward to gettin' me some Garrett's while I'm there for 24hrs.  If only the client could make up their minds about which cold and windy day I'm needed at their site, exactly!

Can you spot me and My Beloved?

Flowers in the Attic

Tomorrow morning at 5am, My Beloved and I have a hot date in the attic.  Literally.  We're doing the last push to get the new insulation down.  It's gotta be over 95* up there now and at least 92* outside.  Two words: butt sweat.  No matter how much you're in love, that's just plain not attractive.  I'll do it, though, and gladly, if it means we can finally (!) turn the air on.  My fingers and toes have been the size of little sausages since Memorial Day.

In other news, my work on my independent study is going swimmingly with only two meetings under my belt.  See, it's all about finding something that is interesting to me.  I can't imagine the "rhetoric of defeat in science" holding my attention for long, but for the next 11+ weeks (or until we've exhausted all publication options or have had it accepted for publishing) it will be enough.  Of course, this has spurned yet another round of fantasizing what my life would be like as an academician and wistful longings for the days of gentlemen (or gentlewoman) scholars.

GPO my garden returns

Sir Real

Last night I slept better than I have in days, thanks to the cold snap (35*F?!) and one too many blankets on the bed.  This morning, I awoke completely cramped and exhausted like I'd spent the whole day prior in too much fresh air and physical activity.  I spent the morning studying some documents in preparation for an 11am lunch with my team and a 1pm bid defense with a client.  A relaxed 20" commute into the city in which I rehearsed my introduction, and then a tense 10" of parking.  [insert gratitude here for the Nicest Parking Attendant in Center City] This was one of many bid presentations on this work so the client cut to the chase. We sat at the foot of a stage, seven in a row, with what felt like thirty of Them arrayed in a u-shaped table before us.  The acoustics were abysmal and the staff responsible for transferring the microphone from speaker to speaker could not keep up.  Rapid fire, the questions came.  I was in a deodorant commercial.   Yet all my razor's edge anxiety was for naught; I wasn't called on to say one word.  Dismissed, we regrouped at the bar and I reminded myself that 3pm on a Wednesday is not the time to cash it in.  Friendly pats on the back, I dashed back to my car (still there!  not vandalized!), but left my brain in the office where it regretted the unresponsive body trapped in the driver's seat.  Finally, at home, the panic that woke me up spontaneously at 6am took hold.  Client deliverable for 10+ data tables due by close of business.  (What is "close of business"?  Is that 5pm?  5:30pm?  Midnight?)  The time is 3:58
4:39
5:19
5:55

I am done.  For better or worse, the email is sent.  Beer.  I need beer like a fish needs water.  A quick drive to the local distributor and -what ho!- a case (a CASE!) of Blue Moon cold.  Sold!  The grocers for an orange.  The dry cleaners.  Hello, Neighbor!  A friendly 20" chat the likes of which I've never experienced but have long coveted.

Home.  My Beloved.  Peace.

Resolutions

It's taken until today for me to finally unpack completely from my business trip.  The weather was snowy last night and freezing rain this morning, which meant Juliane worked from home all day.  (SIDE NOTE:  I am la-hoving not working in a lab and being able to do my job from the comfort and safety of my home.)  My commute to work is a bit of a haul, so if I don't get there in the morning, I lose too much time in transit to justify making the trek later in the day.  The upshot of working from home is that I am (usually) to get 10x6 times more done.  Sometimes, a face-to-face is so much more effective and speedy than an email.  Fortunately, none of those issues came up today, so I was able to focus on all that work I didn't get done last week while meeting the new client.  I'm feeling good, now, because I finally put away all those nagging loose ends.  Ah, sweet closure!

What is hanging over your head that you could put to bed today?

Jet Lag

Since when is 5am an acceptable time to hold a teleconference? Can you get anymore east-coast-centric? Working on an extended vacation and calling in once every 3 days is one thing. Working a 19-hr day because I'm supporting a west coast client is a bit stiff, don't you agree? /end rant

This happens so infrequently that I don't care, but tomorrow at 4:30am I'm gonna care like the dickens!

PS guess who is going to Paris in July? what's the time difference for France?!

You Would Have Been Proud

Many friends complain that dinner party conversation is equivalent to the seventh circle of hell. What is there to talk about with complete strangers? What if I'm stuck with someone boring/weird/psycho? How do I eat ribs without wearing sauce down my shirt and char in my teeth?

All of these, I say, are legitimate concerns.


However.


I also say: You need to dig that well deeper.


Every time I'm out of my comfort zone, I'm digging my well. Fiberglass up my nose and in my collar? Dig it; that attic needs to be insulated. Stuck on a sweaty airplane with a kid kicking my seat and the guy in front in full recline? Dig it; I don't make enough to fly first class.

At a dinner party with a dozen total strangers? Dig it. Sure it might be a few hours I just need to weather, but it also might be the forum for a life-long friendship/to meet the perfect mate for my best friend/for the "a ha!" moment that determines the next step in my career. Regardless, I can always use more practice at good table manners!

How I Am Like Willis and Chris Tucker

Raise your hand if you are familiar with any of the following expressions or abbreviation:

1. like touching the 3rd rail
2. a hard row to hoe
3. I am going to SFO
4. I am going to OR

I have used all three of these in professional communication recently, and was understood by only 20% of my audience.  It never occurred to me how often I use colloquial expressions until these particular examples were pointed out.  I love languages and often do better in disciplines that have a unique jargon, so I am not surprised to learn that I use jargon frequently.  However, with the exception of SFO, I would have considered these expressions more universal.  Clearly, not.

In fact, one colleague who complained of my "colorful turns of phrase" asked me if I was from the midwest.  I'm not sure what that is supposed to mean, as she is from Kansas herself, but I bet you can guess.

1. The third rail of a subway is typically the one that runs the electricity to power the cars.  If you touch it, you will be electrocuted.  Thus, touching the third rail is dangerous.  To say something is like touching the third rail would suggest it is close to or is dangerous.
2. Before planting seeds, it is common to hoe a row of soil to make a trench to accept the seeds.  If the soil is poor or the trench needs to be particularly deep, this can be difficult and require much labor and time.  To say something is a hard row to hoe suggests it would be difficult and require much work.
3. SFO is the airport code for San Francisco, CA.
4. OR is the state abbreviation for Oregon, USA

One explanation is that the stodgy work environment could account for the lack of comprehension of the first two, but what about SFO and OR?  At dinner tonight, two of my closest friends (who also missed these references) blamed their misunderstanding of SFO on my notorious texting skills (i.e., a complete lack thereof).  That's fair.  But, OR?  

Still, the lesson for me is the same: speak plain-er.  This will be a struggle because it first requires an awareness.  But, there's hope:  I almost wrote '"the take-home" lesson for me'!

I am Willis.

I am Chris Tucker.

Big Pharma & Social Media

In my world, there has been much buzzing about the intersection of big pharma and social media.  Everyone agrees social media, smartphones, etc., are an untapped market for pharma advertising, but it can be very treacherous waters to cross and there is a lot of risk at being the first one in.  As a student of Communication, I am very interested to watch how companies manage the fair balance (term of art) language requirements.  It is only permitted to state the proven outcomes and the proven risks.  Is it a contradiction to advertise without promoting?

We're about to find out.

Courtesy of Pharmalot, I learned today that two companies have launched apps for smartphones: Novartis  and Sanofi.  Novartis actually has two apps: one is an information resource for oncology medical professionals, the other is a flu tracker for a broader audience (sponsored by Theraflu!).  Sanofi's app is a calorie tracker.

I'd give my eye-teeth to be on the back end of this development.  Did they test the interface with patients? Who did they talk with at the FDA?  What is the download/hit rate?  What other data are they collecting?  I am simultaneously repelled and enthralled.  Mark my words: this is a turning point for the industry.  I see a paper in my future!

No Friend of Mine

The attic is, officially, half insulated but we are whole out of time.  My head is punctured like a pincushion from the roof shingle nails, and my hands are covered in a million tiny cuts that attract solvents like lemon juice, vinegar, and rubbing alcohol. 

It occurred to me when my mother exclaimed, "Your house will be so warm now!" just how wrong she is. We keep the thermostat at 66*F (60*F at night) to save money on heating.  It cost us over $400 to heat our 1900 sq ft home last December, and deregulation in Jan 2011 promises a 40% increase over that.  However, any of you who have met My Beloved will quickly realize (as I did, belatedly) that nothing makes him happier than saving $0.50, much less $50.  While it's true this insulation would make it affordable to now heat the house to a cozy 69*F, it also means it will be cheaper to keep it at the character-building 66*F.   I won't be packing my thermals or heating pad anytime soon, I fear.

http://multivu.prnewswire.com/mnr/owenscorning/35579/

Jiggity Jig

Almost home safe (thank you Acela!)

Almost positive that I don't want to be a journalist, but could see myself as a science writer. Love getting into the weeds of it and massaging the data. Lecture on risk assessment and coursework in the same and on ethics has me spinning with paranoia about how I report the information. Am I inserting a bias? Have I inadvertently plagiarized or misquoted? Have I confused odds ration, relative risk, and statistically significant? Am I exhibiting deeply conserved risk aversion behavior? Have I not considered the opposing point of view objectively, but only exerted my confirmation bias? It's enough to make me sit on my hands and stare out the window at the inky blackness of sleeping New Jersey.

I definitely felt an apartness from the other attendees. In general, they are extroverted, congenial, gregarious, and fun-seeking. Some were quarrelsome, antagonistic, cynical. Yale campus was pretty and depressing like almost all city-based universities. I spoke with one student who wanted to be a journalist but the school did not offer it as a major. When I asked about that, she said they tried to avoid anything as plebeian as a trade degree. She should be careful with whom she shares that comment!

However, it is hard to be reflective and enjoy the intellectual afterglow. I've a big project due on Wednesday at work, and not the first clue how to resolve it. I'll be at another workshop in Philadelphia all day Monday, and have class Tuesday nights (so cannot stay late at work), so when, exactly, am I going to get this done? Plus, my boss is OOO on Monday, so she'll be no help. Am I catastrophizing again? Or right to be anxious?

The First Rule of Fight Club

I'm taking a class on ethics in science right now. I love the class, but it's making me hate my job. I work as a consultant (of sorts) and it's been interesting being on the "other" side of the phone. There haven't been too many surprises, except one. I knew that it was less expensive to outsource a clinical trial, rather than for the sponsor to hirer the monitors, deal with product, and jump through the regulatory hoops. But now I am beginning to think there is another reason: plausible deniability. The consultant does the "dirty" work. It's a little hard to explain. I know what I think needs to be done. The sponsor knows what they think needs to be done. But we're going to put forward Plan B, which is cheaper/quicker/easier and hope it works. It makes sense all around to try a cheaper/quicker/easier route if it will give the same result. But we're working with a human population and there's one thing I've learned in the 3+ years I've been doing this: you can't predict human behavior. And that's what zaps us.

I'm trying to think of a good metaphor to illustrate what I'm talking about. I guess it's a bit like wrapping street lamps in padding. Nobody is going to walk into them, right? We can agree it's a highly unlikely incidence and would be very expensive to implement a streetlamp wrapping initiative. But then, parkour takes off, or there's a street lamp stunt on Jackass, and all of a sudden 100s of people are colliding with street lamps. Now, imagine as a consultant, I'd seen something similar happen with park benches we installed, for example. I try to warn you, persuade you, help you to conceive of this possible scenario. And you, being a highly experienced MD, have never seen this kind of nonsense. But we both agree that people can act in strange and mysterious ways. I'm convinced of the necessity to prepare for the unexpected, but you can't justify the expense to your shareholders. You get a promotion, and I chew my nails to the quick. Calamity strikes. Now, you're on the hotseat and you point to the consultant who "didn't adequately advise you of the risks."

It makes me feel badly.


There's a story I heard about an opioid product made in Australia (this is years ago). It was manufactured as a tablet, but people crushed the pills into powder to snort it and they were ODing and dying. So, the company converted the medicine from a tablet format to a liquid gelcap. No pills to crush. Problem solved, right? Except now, people used syringes to extract the liquid center and inject it directly into their veins.

Crazy, no? A bit like Fight Club.

You Could Not Be More Wrong

For the last month I've been ruminating on my memory and my happiness.

Memory:
Since turning 35, like a switch, my memory is in the crapper.  Names, faces, things that happened two weeks to two years ago...gone.  And not in the "tip of my tongue" sense but as in the "you must have me confused with someone else b/c that NEVER happened" sense.  This has come into significant play at my new job.  It's not a new job (I've been there since December) but it might as well be new for all that I can recall.  I've met all of the 100+ people in the company, but only know the names of the 6 with whom I work.  This is *very* unusual for me.  Worse, I don't have the sense when someone re-introduces themselves that we've met before; it feels like it is the first time.  It's embarrassing and some people take affront, but also it makes me doubt my ability to interact appropriately with clients and I worry it will my senior management, too.

Happiness:
During the two months I was unemployed last year, I was much more patient with people than I am now.  Why was that?  Was it because I wasn't in a rush to get to or from someplace?  If so, what the h*ll am I in a such a rush to get to or from now?  I still had a job (in a sense) when I was unemployed.  What work was more important than finding a new job? Does that suggest that I value my employer's time more than my own? That I feel this sense of urgency to be at work but did not feel that same urgency (or more!) when I "worked" for myself?  Isn't that twisted? Is it?

I've noticed this most when I'm in the car.  Driving around when I was unemployed was so stress-free.  I didn't need to be anywhere, so I left with plenty of time to get to where I was going.  I didn't rush along the way and was more than content to wait my turn.  These days when I go into the office, my course is plotted like an alpine racer, with corners shaved to the nanosecond.  I know exactly when to switch lanes to avoid the slow down as a result of people looking at the odd construction sign at mile marker 35.  I time my acceleration to make all three green lights.  Heaven have mercy on the Newbie at the tolls who isn't familiar with the change in lane patterns!

Recently, I shattered my precious iphone and have been sans mobile device.  No more checking email every hour at work.  No more calls coming in during the commute.  No more checking for what's nearby or how to get there.  It hasn't helped with my memory or my happiness, but has allowed me to recognize that always looking at that thing was keeping me from disconnecting from work.

I read an article about a woman going through a divorce, whose best friend MADE her start every day with an email that listed 5 Things I'm Grateful For.  Even though the woman eventually found her way out of that darkness, she continues to start every morning with this email to her friend.

So, over the last week, I've been trying this device to both connect with and disconnect from the work day.  I've tried it on the commute into work and on the commute home.  There are rules:

- must be said allowed
- can't have been used earlier that week (or as much as my memory can recall!)
- have to be meaningful (no "I'm grateful for pizza")

To do it well, I really have to focus and get creative.  I can't be running the "systems check" in the background:  call Mom, start laundry, cook chicken, read book club book, send tuition check, etc.  It's what I do in the car, now, instead of looking to see who called or emailed, or trying to see if there's a Sears where I'm headed.  Please note: I did these things at a stop, not while moving.  (Stop hyperventilating, My Beloved.)  But it was like even stopping at a stop light was too long to be static.  I needed to be multitasking in that 1:42 seconds.

It works remarkably well.  I use it more coming home than heading in, but that works out for the best.  I've written before about the importance of a happy ending.  With this exercise, every day has a happy ending.

Se Hablo "Sheep"

Today, our company hosted its annual "town hall" meeting.  For those of you who don't live in the corporate world (Hi, My Beloved!), depending on your viewpoint this is a regular "come to Jesus" meeting or a PR whitewash of the State of the Company.  Many organizations use this forum to communicate broad reorganization plans, changes to the company's pipeline or market share, and revenue forecasting.

I love these things.  Many, many employees deride them, roll their eyes, and wail about the length of time away from Real Work.  For me, particularly at the small company where I work, there is no other avenue for me to find the pulse of the company.  I learn so much, in such a short period of time.  Sure, company newsletters are great - and some people get their information in that format - but I prefer the F2F.

Also, I'm a total cheerleader (my detractors would say a "sheep").  Our General Manager raises the call to arms to find new revenue streams and capitalize on existing opportunities, and, even though I don't know an EBITDA from my elbow, I am immediately wracking my brains to imagine how I can work our other service offerings into conversations at the next client meeting.

At today's meeting, I learned we are opening a location in Spain.  SPAIN!  I didn't hear anything for the next 20" after that was mentioned.  My head was full of brainstorming how I can pitch/spin/capitalize on my skill set to get to Spain.  Imagine...

Every time My Beloved and I travel abroad, there is the inevitable moment when we're enjoying a quiet respite that I sigh and say, "Wouldn't it be lovely to live in [insert current location] for a year?"  To which my homebody betrothed always replies, "No."

It might seem counterintuitive, what with the not having progeny and all, but we are both extremely family- and friend-oriented.  I can recall my mother telling me on several occasions "There is nothing more important than Family," and it was a lesson I truly internalized. So, it is of great importance to us both that we are close and in regular contact with our loved ones.

However, this would be a temporary move, merely a year.  Plus, we've been to Spain (almost twice!), I was one class away from a Spanish minor, and it would be totally freakin' awesome.

My SMART goal for 2011: get to Spain.  Watch this space...