Sometimes it happens in early fall, other times I make it to early February. And every year I blame it on work, school, My Beloved, an injury/illness, etc. This year, I realized it's not actually any of those things. What is the one constant? Me. And the Doldrums. My antidote is to run away to my 'rents Cabin in the Desert (nice, if you can get it!). This year, I heard the warning siren of the incoming freight train of emotional disaster and planned ahead. I stayed home for Thanksgiving while the rest of my family visited with each other and long-missed friends. I drove to Thanksgiving dinner and back in the same night and relished in almost three days of Juliane Time in my own home.
So, this year, I am thankful for:
- A loving husband who can selflessly give me the latitude to quietly rebuild
- A supportive family that doesn't ask a lot of questions
- A warm (thank you insulation!), safe home in which to cocoon
- Fabulous friends with whom I can party, shop, and chill, on demand
- Finally reaching a new degree of emotional maturity.
Something else for which I'm thankful is my MIL. When visiting last weekend, we spied a 3mo chocolate lab in the city. She asked if petting him would make me too sad. I told her my loss wasn't so raw anymore. She said, "Sometimes you need to lean into the grief." Isn't that a beautiful phrase? And so, I've been leaning into the grief. True, sometimes it chokes me up, but more and more I don't feel the emptiness; instead, it's a warm hug of happy memory. Thanks, Scout.
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